Decisions, Decisions...

Written by: Kerry

At the dock in Cow Bay Marina, Prince Rupert, BC

I think it first occurred to us that we may not make it all the way to Alaska when we hit Nanaimo and realized that we were already half way through May.  It came up in conversation once in awhile, but I always countered that we still had time and the whole goal of this trip (for me) was to make it to Alaska!  So onward we went, ever northward, with the goal in mind of making it, at the very least, to Ketchikan.  You see, when one cruises to Alaska on one's own boat, you must check into customs in Ketchikan - that is the process and there are no alternatives.

With this in mind, we did not waver on our commitment to take as much time as we needed to journey north, whether from waiting out bad weather, or simply needing a day or two of downtime to rest and enjoy the beauty around us from a safe harbor or anchorage.  We reached Shearwater, another milestone along the way, on June 20th.  Time was ticking away.  We'd agreed to be back in Port Townsend by the first week of August, so that we'd have enough time to see family and friends, attend the Perry Rendezvous (an annual gathering of Robert Perry designed boats) in Port Ludlow, and prep for our big trip south.  The plan was to leave PT by the end of the summer, heading to San Francisco, down the rest of the California Coast, and on to Mexico by winter.  We wanted to reserve at least 2-3 weeks to make the trip home from Alaska, planning to travel quickly via more open water on the west side of Vancouver Island, but also account for weather delays, etc.  On June 20th, with not a lot of time left, we pressed on.

Fast forward to the last couple of days travelling up to Prince Rupert.  I started seriously questioning this need to get to Alaska.  Donn listened. He kept telling me it was my decision - saying he had always signed on to go up to Alaska and we would, because it was my dream.  My original plan was to get up there with enough time to truly explore SE Alaska a bit and see some of its beauty from our own boat.  But with time ticking away, my heart and brain were struggling to come to terms with not making it all the way to Alaska on our trip to ALASKA.

On our 10 hour day motor-sailing to Prince Rupert, we reached a point where our cell phones started receiving service again.  I hadn't talked to my mom in a few weeks, so Donn encouraged me to give her a call.  I did.  We were so happy to hear each other's voices again and, as we quickly caught up, I explained my dilemma to Mom.  She listened.  I kept talking through my thought process and the pros and cons of each path.  If we stayed in Prince Rupert and didn't go on, we could actually spend a couple of weeks relaxing in one place, explore a new town, get some more projects done and prep ourselves for the adventure of getting home.  If we continued on to Ketchikan, we would have fulfilled our goal of getting to Alaska and we'd get to experience Ketchikan.  As I talked, it became really obvious to me that my mind was reaching a decision.  Our conversation ended with my promise to call after arriving in Prince Rupert to fill her in on final plans.

Can you guess what we've decided to do?  Yeah, we're staying put.  The minute I said it out loud, a huge peace fell over me.  That night I slept over 12 hours.  My body needs rest, my soul needs to put down (temporary) roots for a little while.  Donn is pleased also.  We worked with the marina manager to stay here for a few weeks and voila - here we are.  We've already explored town a bit, they have a nice library and pool that I hope to make use of.  We've done some grocery shopping and lots of laundry.  Tonight we may even go see a movie!

Having that goal to reach Alaska got us this far.  I'm really happy about that.  As far as needing to go all the way across the border, well, I'm okay with not making it.  This trip is for us - to learn, to shakedown the boat and ourselves.  We're doing that.  We're seeing amazing places and meeting awesome people.  I really have no complaints, and so much to be thankful for.

So we're in Prince Rupert until July 22nd or so.  Another exciting announcement is that we will have a 3rd crew member joining us for our trip home, to help with our virgin off-shore passage.  David Cohen, a good friend of ours from Seattle, is flying up here on July 19th.  He's part owner of a J-boat, has lots of sailing/racing experience and in Donn's words is "competent, sane, responsible and familiar".  Should be a good trip home.

Where do you go when you fight?

You start here -- mutual adoration.

We occasionally have people visit. Some visit for the company.  Some visit to learn more about living aboard.  Some want to live aboard.  There are always the usual questions about cost, space, laundry, dishes, the head (how does your toilet work?), and so on.  Other cruisers get this all the time too.  This post was inspired by a similar question answered by these folks. One of the most consistent questions we get from couples is, "So if you are living in this small space, where do you go when you fight?"

"We don't."

"We don't," doesn't mean we that don't go anywhere to get away from each other when we fight. It's not that we haven't had challenging discussions, or that we don't tackle difficult thing or hurt feelings. It means that we don't fight.  We just don't.

The responses to that are varied but, they usually come down to either respect or disbelief.  The disbelief is reasonable.  I mean everyone fights, right?  Everyone gets angry with their spouse, argues, then needs some space to recover, before returning to each other.  That why homes have rooms.  That's why we have sexist jokes about men sleeping on the couch until she cools off.  People who see relationship conflicts as inevitable need that separate space for recover from anger or hurt,  in order to stop "fighting".

We have each had relationships in the past where that was the case.  It wasn't our other partner's fault for this.  We each participated in the belief and relationship model too; lack of communication, lack of honesty, lack of kindness and....fight.

That isn't the life we want.  Therefore it isn't the life we have.

We approach our relationship from a place of true mutual respect, accepting the regular human faults (all of them -- all), support each other in our own personal growth and, above all -- being kind to one another.

Our life plans include more than just inhabiting Brigadoon's 150 sq/ft of living space living on a dock in Seattle.   Sure, when we first started this we weren't necessarily looking for a blue water boat.  We committed to living aboard a boat for about five years.  That five years would be spent living a marina and coastal cruising life on the water.  With the purchase of Brigadoon (a true blue water capable boat), our possible horizons have broadened a little.  We have the potential to literally see the world on Brigadoon if we so choose.  It makes sense to ensure our relationship in good order before even contemplating going off to explore 140 million square miles that are the oceans on this little blue marble.

There is no way we could dream of attempting living aboard, much less exploring the world, if we were prone to fighting.  Where can you go when on middle of a 30 day pacific  passage between the Galapagos Islands and the Marquesas, overboard?

One of the followup questions we have to the "not fighting" thing is, "what about personal space?"

Well, our space is small and very personal, but we are not forced into each other's company.  If one of us wants a nap (usually Kerry), she can go into the berth and close the door and nap.  If she is reading a book on her Kindle in her happy corner, I can sit up in the pilot house, surfing the internet and watching the geese go by.  We are comfortable this way.  I am here, she is there, each doing our thing. Yet we are still together.  It's called being "Together Alone".

I think the key here to living in such a small space, is a consideration, a respect for each other.  It extends to giving each other space and time to dress (we pretty much take turns) when going out, to keeping our space neat and tidy, sharing the chores and keeping the place livable.  We plan burning down our debt.  We map out improvements to Brigadoon to make our home safer, stronger and more seaworthy.  We improve ourselves, our skills, and our teamwork whenever we can.  All this makes us better sailors, ready and able to possibly handle taking on the the sea.

Until then, we practice living always five steps from each other hardly out of each other's sight, each of us potentially underfoot of the other, in this floating home we call Brigadoon.

New Cushions

We have been waiting a year for this.  The cushions weren't as much an issue to me as they were to Kerry.  I was more focused on the systems.  She is more focused on comfort and beauty. I like comfort and beauty so, this is a good match.

The original cushions were pretty beat.  Not only were they less than beautiful, they were also very worn.  The foam was completely bottomed out.  The best recipe for an ass that is completely asleep is to sit on the salon cushions for about thirty minutes.

The old beige cushions.

As you can see, they weren't that bad, but they look better than they are.

It was a long process.  The first company we called ended up being this distracted (took a phone call from another customer while measuring our boat) guy who blew us away with his estimate.

It was $8,000.

What?

Oh, oops, he made a math mistake.  It's really $6,700 instead.

And does that include the 15% materials discount.

Oh, he forgot that too.

Sorry, see ya.  Mistakes or trying to take us on the cost; it's the same difference to us.

So we called Pam at Vashon Portage Canvas.  We saw her work at the Boats Afloat show back in September.  Pam came out, measured the boat and provided us with a real reasonable estimate.  We had a lot of discussion on the right foam and fabric.  Bob Perry, the designer of the boat suggested we go with different colors for the base and the back.  We decided to try that out and found a combination that we liked.  Kerry loves rich colors and I see no reason not to indulge her.

First she stopped by with just the foam, to make sure it all fit.

Kerry is very happy...new foam!

Then we waited for her to complete the fabric.  It arrived today.

We chose a burgandy faux leather for the bases and a red/orange/gold material for the backs.  We ended up spending quite a bit on the fabric to get the hightest quality (durability/stain resistance) we could.  We think it's worth it.

The starboard sette in the main salon.

The port sette.

Note the buttons.  We decided to use the base fabric for the buttons on the backs.  It turned out great.

The chart table.

All in all I think we are going to be very happy with this.  The foam is perfect.  It doesn't bottom out at all. It's very comfy.  While the fabric is not your usual beige/blue we have seen on so many boats, it really works in the teak interior of Brigadoon.

Thanks to Bob Perry for his suggestions, to Pam for the work, and to Kerry for her inspiration and drive around this project.  Now we feel like we can really entertain in comfort and style.